


“You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.”

by yikesola



Series: tumblr ficlet prompts [15]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2014, Depression, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 15:04:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20229835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikesola/pseuds/yikesola
Summary: Dan hasn’t left his bed for more than a piss and a handful of dry cereal for nearly three days. Nothing interests him. There’s nothing, so far as Dan can see.A ficlet about bad days and wanting.





	“You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue Prompt: “You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.”

Dan hasn’t left his bed for more than a piss and a handful of dry cereal for nearly three days. He drinks the glasses of water that Phil holds out to him— the only reason he can piss at all— but doesn’t touch any of the food that Phil leaves on his bedside table hoping it might interest him at some point. It doesn’t. Nothing interests him. The great grey fog of nothing that permeates through each of his pores. He hears little Arya Stark’s voice in the back of his mind, speaking startling truth: “_Nothing isn’t better or worse than anything. Nothing is just nothing._” 

There’s nothing, so far as Dan can see. Just food slowly rotting on his bedside table the same way it would slowly rot inside of him, so it makes no difference where it rots. Just the sun rising and setting outside his window, the only light source he’s bothering with even if his eyes stay open all the while. Just the blankets he kicked off himself ages ago and hasn’t moved to grab since, which explains the fitting of goosebumps across his bare arms. 

Those goosebumps should be a good sign, he thinks. It means he can feel the cold even if he can feel neither joy nor fear. It means his body is functioning even if his brain isn’t.

He has the thought that Phil would think they’re a good sign. That’s why he thinks about it at all. He wouldn’t bother otherwise. 

Phil’s been keeping his distance since Dan snapped at him halfway through the first day. Dan knows he should feel grateful for that, it’s what he asked for after all. But before he has the conscious thought to do so, he’s clearing his throat and calling, “Phil!” into the otherwise quiet apartment. 

He’s almost forgotten he did so by the time he hears footsteps down the hallway. Then Phil is by his bedside, with his hair pushed off his face and a worried furrow to his brow. 

“Hey,” he says, his arms dangling by his side. 

Dan looks up at him. “Hey,” he says, hearing how dull and flat his voice sounds. He focuses his gaze on Phil’s face. It’s a tremendous amount of effort. “Busy?”

Phil huffs out a half-laugh. “No.” 

“Lay with me?” Dan knows he smells like sweat and sadness, knows Phil probably doesn’t want to wrap his arms around Dan’s stinking flesh prison. But he’s feeling selfish— he’s allowed to be selfish— he wants Phil here with him. 

Phil lays behind him on his low black bed, wrapping his arms around Dan’s middle and slotting his knees in the crook of Dan’s bent legs. He pulls him close, and Dan already feels warmer. Physically. The goosebumps have given up. 

“Thanks,” Dan says. “I’m sorry.” Just a blanket apology; he has so much to be sorry for and no energy to apologise individually. 

“It’s not a chore to hug you,” Phil says into Dan’s shoulder. 

“You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.” Dan knows this all too well— if it were true then Phil would have hugged him better years ago. 

“I know,” Phil says. “Doesn’t hurt though.” 

Dan scooches back into him a little. “No,” he says, his voice still strange in his ears, “guess it doesn’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading— come say hi on [tumblr](http://yikesola.tumblr.com/post/186977623689/you-cant-just-hug-me-and-think-everythings) !


End file.
